Expecting the Male Submissive to Behave Like One

There is a difference between trying to make people do things and expecting people to do things.

What makes a woman a good Domme… expecting him to be submissive. Not forcing or pushing or making him behave, just expecting it.

He wants this. He wants to be dominated, put in his place and he expects you to do it.

You want the power of having him in his place. (At least that’s how it feels to me). But, the more energy you put into keeping him there with force, aggression or threats – the less in control you feel. It also wears you down. I don’t like men who complain about women nagging. But, I understand how it happens. Men don’t comply with what she wants. So she asks again. Maybe she pushes more the next time. It carries on from there. As long as she continues to ask for what she wants he will consider her to be nagging.

No woman wants to be seen as a nag.

So break the pattern. Stop asking him a second time. Stop demanding, stop trying to make him do things. Expect it. Ask or explain what you want, once. Just once. Afterwards, expect him to do it.

I’m not writing about not communicating and thinking he will have some psychic power to know what you want.

I do know that you can communicate without being pushy, without speaking a word. In the case of being a BDSM Domme you have the extra edge of punishment too. Don’t forget that element. He didn’t behave, he didn’t accomplish a task, etc. – punish him. You don’t need to put a lot of energy into it. Don’t explain and talk about it all as if he were a small child.

Just tell him he failed to perform as expected. That’s not acceptable. Now his punishment will be…

No screaming, yelling or fighting required. Remember, this BDSM submission is what he wants. Remind him of that, once, should he complain or forget his place.

Next time you want something done… Expect it to be done right and make the punishment something you could enjoy or benefit from if he fails to meet your expectations.

Don’t be petty or small minded and demand he serve his punishment with a smile. Instead, smile yourself, knowing you got what you wanted without screaming, nagging or feeling like a bitch.

Being a Domme isn’t about keeping in character. It’s about enjoying your submissive man. Don’t let him forget it!

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How to Impress a Domme When Meeting for the First Time

male sub jewelsYou’ve gotten through her screening process and she has set a time and place for you to meet her, face to face. Now what? How do you make a good first impression on a real Domme when you meet for the first time? I don’t mean the type of Dominant woman you pay, the one who asks you what you want and tells you how much it will cost. No, I mean the Domme who is a real woman and wants more than a temporary job when she arranges to meet you.

Dress appropriately:

You are most likely meeting in a public place. If you wear any fetish wear be very discreet and don’t wave it around in public. Something small which you leave her to notice is much more effective than a blatant display.

Dress up too. Look your best and pay attention to grooming. Trim facial hair, clean your fingernails, etc.

Show up and be on time or a bit early:

Don’t be late! Too many times men do not show up or arrive late. If you are not ready to meet her (or only want to play pretend online) don’t make the appointment in the first place. Be honest.

Bring a little gift:

Nothing elaborate, you aren’t paying for her favours. Keep it simple but this is a chance for you to show some cleverness, creativity, style and prove that you actually did pay attention to what she has told you about herself so far.

Offer to buy the first coffee/ wine:

She may turn down the offer, but that doesn’t excuse you from offering. Be a gentleman and remember your old fashioned manners.

Make small talk:

Until she introduces the subject of BDSM or D/s you keep the conversation light. Consider this your first test, because it likely is one of the things she is watching for.

When the subject of BDSM or sex comes up don’t rush in:

Don’t bring your grocery list of fetishes and kinky ideas to the table. Of course you want to know if she shares your interests, however chances are your list is more fantasy than fact. Talk to her about actual experience you have had versus stuff you want to try, think would be a big turn on, etc. Stick to the facts. If she asks what you want to try and have not done yet, keep it modest. Don’t make yourself sound like a window shopper – keep it realistic.

Watch your personal space:

Do not invade her personal space. Keep your arms, hands, coffee mugs, wine glass and etc to your own side of the table. Body language counts!

Bring a business card if you have one:

Unless you are paying her (which this post is not about) you should be prepared to give her information about yourself. Proof that you are available, that she can contact you, that you trust her (and thus she can trust you too). If you do not have a business card make sure she has your correct phone number, email address or any other way of contacting you and then ask her to contact you.

To hug or not to hug:

At the end of your time, if all has gone well, you might want some physical contact. Let her lead, however you can offer your hand or ask permission to give her a hug, etc.

Do not ask for sex! Asking for sex just proves you don’t really have half a clue about male submission. If you want to serve her, your needs do not come first. Sex may not even be part of what she wants.

After the first meeting send her a thank you note:

Thank her for meeting you, tell her you had a good time, enjoyed getting to know her, and so on. Don’t ask for a second meeting – but you can tell her you hope to see her again soon. You can suggest a great place or local event for a second meeting, but leave it up to her to choose.