I’ve been called a prude before, as recently as this week in fact. We were talking in an email list about married men looking for a serious part tme screw. It was a BDSM forum so the old thing about safe, sane and consensual gets batted around. I argued that any guy who cheats on his partner is not playing by the SSC ‘rules’. How would any woman/ partner trust him if he is lying to his full time partner. If you can’t trust the person you intend to submit to you have no business being in the same room as them.

Anyway, I didn’t start writing this about trust or SSC issues. I was thinking about how funny it is that I am (possibly) a prude who tends to jump into bed with a new guy pretty quickly. What kind of a prude brings a guy home (when she is alone in a large house) then changes into something red, slinky and slutty after a few minutes of conversation? Prudish? I think not, not that I’m bragging about it. I’m not proud of my sluttish bedsporting ways. I’m not ashamed either.

I always intend not to sleep with him (it, cause really on a first date you don’t know HIM that well you just want IT) but once the date goes along and we become alone together I find myself considering my feelings and wondering what the point of all this conversation is when I could be having more fun doing things rather than making small talk. Sex is fun, all that touching, seeing how a man will choose to touch your body. Finding out what kind of lover he really is. Do you like his gentle caresses or does that rough bite turn you on a lot more.

Sadly, all of the men I sleep with tend to never go all the way for various reasons. That whole pregnant thing. It always seems to get in their way, doesn’t bother me. I’m not a teen aged virgin. I’m a woman. Besides, they could always wear condoms that actually fit rather than looking for a size too big for what they’ve got. Spoilbedsports.

I added this as an update to Adult BackWash. Is there any point in keeping that going? I’m not thinking there is. There are other optiions.

Take Back your Words, Bitch!

Bait & Switch

“It’s time women stomped on a few feet (or inches) and took back our words: slut, bitch, hag, whore and all the rest of them. They belong to us. Words are our power. No man really has the same power with words that women do. I think that’s why men have tried to throw words at us like darts. They chip at our glory with our own greatest tool and assets. But, the words are ours, still.

Think, what are women so well known for which men have never grasped? Communication. Men will even admit this if you catch them in a particularly honest moment. I’ve seen them post it, right here at Adult BW even.

Also, did you know most bloggers are women and the numbers of women rise dramatically when it comes to sex bloggers. Women talk about relationships, passion, sensuality and sexuality. Men are close mouthed. Or, they will talk about the crude basics like how well they nailed her. Sadly, they may be the only one who thinks that way about their skills. Which is another whole column I will write someday. I think I should have that third lover first though. Real versus cyber but still, I’ve seen some sad fumbling whether on my flesh or virtual.

Anyway, back to the words. I want women to stop thinking being called a bitch is negative. First of all, think how surprised people will be if you take the worst word they can hurl at you as a compliment. If you say “thank you”. If you laugh while they stand there red faced, eyes still bugging out and looking amazed that their insult missed the mark so completely.

Don’t think of Bitch as a female dog, think of it as a powerful woman. A woman who knows her own mind and is not afraid to use it. A woman who knows what she wants and goes out there and gets it. Ball grabbing and everything, just like those bags of mostly testosterone.

Slut and whore are no longer words to chip at our sexuality. Now they prove our sexual virility, our sensuality and our power over men, especially when it comes to sex. If they call you a slut you know you’ve done a really good job making him drool. Good for you! Let the dog lie there in his own wet spot and wish he could have a slut like you.

Hag, that’s a word meant to hit us right between the eyes. We think of hags as old women, grey, washed out, worn out, wrinkled, ugly and badly groomed to say the least. But, a hag is not actually any of those things. The hag is the wise old woman, the woman of the woods, the witch, the midwife, the wild Earth Mother. Hags are powerful women too. Women of nature and power. Most of the less than complimentary words for women have come from powerful beginnings. The power of these words was drained away as was the power of womankind. As we stopped being matriarchies we lost our best words. I still would not like to be called a hag or a frump or any of those others. There is malicious intent behind the words. However, the words themselves are being unfairly (ignorantly) used.

It’s time for us to make the words mean something else, make them positive and powerful. Then we will have all our best tools and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Call us what you will, it’s all good. We are Woman!”

Writing Erotica

For the Adult BackWash column this evening/ early morning, I wrote about writing erotica. Here for your viewing pleasure…

Writing is always taking a chance, putting yourself out there, on a limb. I think that is even more so when you are writing fiction with fewer guides to track yourself and maintain your anonymity. You are putting more of yourself on paper than you think at the time, if you’re doing a good job. Especially when you write about sex. It’s already a taboo, hushed up subject. So, to write about your personal sex life or your thoughts about the whole thing in general is kind of setting yourself up for a fall each time. You are exposing yourself to the judgment of the masses. Not so different from getting into a car every day and hoping no one will smash into you. We trust the other drivers to be self interested enough to avoid accidents. But, when you are writing, the self interest is all on the writer’s side. The reader is a complete unknown, out to please themselves.

Anyway, I decided to write about writing erotica. Most of the rules are the same when it comes to punctuation, grammar, spelling all that proper rules of the page sort of thing. I think the biggest challenge for writing erotica is keeping it from being boring. As if sex could be boring, right? Well, it can. Try reading the same thing a hundred times. He puts it in her, she likes it, they come. There, that’s a sex scene. Was it good for you?

While you wipe yourself down…

When a story has no real plot or character development, just mechanical sex with a lot of naughty words and phrases tossed in it becomes more stroke fiction than erotic fiction. This might please a reader who just wants to jack off but someone who wants to actually become aroused and linger in arousal leading to foreplay, will be disappointed and likely frustrated too.

Another unique challenge to writing about sex, the name calling. What do you call it? My personal preference is cock for the penis. It has a blend of cuteness and crudeness that I seem to favour. As far as the vagina, I’ve sort of settled on pussy for lack of anything better. I don’t like it though. If something else comes along I’ll be glad to switch. There are so many variations for breasts, vagina, penis, butt, sex, come and so on. As the writer you have to find words you can live with and words your readers won’t laugh at or not understand.

Avoid 10 inch cocks, breasts like watermelons, anything that will seem improbable to your readers. Errors of mechanics are just that, things that easily believed. You can’t have a character doing something that he/ she couldn’t physically do. That is where really proofreading your work comes in. See the action in your head as you read it over. Make sure it’s clear who is doing what to whom.

Erotic writing tends to use a lot of metaphors and similes. Things like “her pussy was wetter than the whole of Lake Ontario”. I’d personally choose not to use that one, though I did just make it up on the spot. (Don’t blame someone else). You want to keep your metaphors as part of the action, don’t make them stand out and drag readers out of the story and into your writing. The idea is to keep them fully involved in the action, not in your sensational writing. Also, use phrases that don’t sound gross or silly.

Break up your sentences and paragraphs. The breaks are the spots where the reader breathes and moves onto the next part of the action/ plot. You can also use short sentences to spike the action. A short sentence gets attention and stands out. But don’t go overboard. Any writing should have transitional sentences at the end of one paragraph and the start of the next, it keeps things flowing without awkward pauses while the reader catches up with you.

Don’t forget to use dialogue. This also breaks up the story and keeps it interesting. Reading solid text is boring. Just pick up a text book and see how erotic you feel. Reading solid chunks of text takes patience. When the action is moving fast your sentences and paragraphs should be short. Using dialogue is one way to keep things short and moving.

Sex is a sensual thing, it involves the five senses: touch, sight, smell, sound and taste. Include them in your writing. It brings things to life for the reader. Bringing senses into play draws them into the scene and the ongoing action.

Yet again, character development and motivation. Even erotica should have some point or reason. Why are your characters interested in each other? What are they thinking? How do they look? Who are they? When is all this happening? Give some purpose to the sex. Develop the erotica into a storyline, make things happen besides two bodies bumping together.

At the end, you need a conclusion, something to mark the end, to let the reader know it’s over and (hopefully) something to leave them wanting more. Articles and stories without some kind of conclusion aren’t artsy or dramatic, just frustrating. Remember, the point of erotica is for everyone (reader and writer) to have a good time.