In Reply to a Question of What Female Dommes Want

Femdom Fetish Blog asked:

Finally, what would you say, in your opinion, would be the attributes of the perfect male subordinate? What would be the scenario of the best short term session and for the best long term relationship with a male sub? Would it be different with a female sub?

The perfect male submissive is an unreality. Things I look for in a man as a submissive are understanding that there is more to our relationship than D/s. I want conversation and someone to laugh with too. A warm body to share the bed or get out of it and back into his bondage if the mood to be wicked strikes me.

I don’t like the term vanilla in the way people see it as BDSM and everything else is vanilla. Vanilla play is part of the whole for me. It is from the everyday that I get my best inspiration for enjoying him in his submission. For me the play is not some big production but an extension of sex, foreplay and passion. No one should have to rely on toys, tools or a certain wardrobe in order to Dominate. It’s the tone of voice and the feelings behind it that matter more than something you buy at a store.

Domming is fun for me. A creative sport. Yes, it is also a turn on physically, mentally and emotionally but I like to laugh too. I like to have him in bondage twitching and squirming and see the humour in all of it. He does look funny. The penis itself is crude and funny looking. No wonder it makes such a good toy, such a good way to torment and tease him.

Being a Dominant is fun. When I stop having fun with it something is wrong. If I start to feel I’m just going through the motions to please him I know I have gotten off track. This basic fact gets missed in a lot of the literature, illustrations and talk about what female domination is. Instead most of the female domination shown online is about pleasing him, I seldom see what she gets out of it. That part is left out, or assumed.

If the Domme is in charge how can her pleasing be assumed? Men tend to assume a male Dom and female Dom will both be pleased just by the act of their submission. But, we are women, and there is more to us. There is more to pleasing us than pleasing you (the little man).