Get Her to Domme You

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Sunday July 25, 2004

How do I make her Dom me? I’ve heard men ask that in various BDSM forums. They ask the wrong question.

It’s not about making her do something, it’s about making yourself in the right place, at the right time. Let her Dom you, if you know what I mean.

First of all, if you want your woman of choice to Dom you, you need to change your attitude. She does things her way, in her own time and you don’t get to make lists of instructions or items you want performed. You’re not ordering fast food now. A Domme is not EVER there to serve you, unless you’re paying for it.

The thing I most mislike about men looking for Dommes online is the attitude that we’re unpaid sex workers. Get it straight dickhead. We are not for hire, we do things you may not always like, we may not do everything you want done and we choose what pace we want to play at.

Secondly, what I actually was thinking as I started writing this… if a man puts himself in the right place at the right time any woman can Domme with him. (Note “with him” because it is a twosome, a partnership) Even a shy grrl can watch you, touch you, tease and torment you while you just behave yourself and keep still and silent.

Imagine, you standing in the corner, facing the wall. You do not move, you do not speak. She fondles you, gives you the barest of touches, scratches you with her nails, ignores you, anything she chooses to do to you. While you remain submissive, accepting or enduring whatever she chooses to do with you. That is Domming. It does not have to be about how loud or bitchy she can be. It does not have to be about bringing pain. It does not have to be about sex so much as it’s about sensuality and her having fun. If she isn’t having fun you’re doing something wrong.

Need other ideas? You hold onto the door frame and are not allowed to get your hands in her way while she runs ice cubes over your skin. For variation try soap and water, coloured markers, scotch tape, canola oil, pot scrubbers, feathers, rubber gloves, her pet fire ants, etc. She can add a new element to this by blindfolding you and letting each touch to your skin be a surprise.

You sleep across the foot of the bed or on the floor. You wear a bib at mealtimes. Ask for permission before leaving her presence. Offer yourself as a pillow or footrest. You get up first in the morning and have coffee and breakfast ready for her. Thousands of big and little things you can do, if she approves and is pleased.

If she’s not especially interested in bothering with you become her servant for the evening or the whole day as her time permits. Serve her coffee, make meals, clean up, do laundry, read to her and whatever else she desires. Do it all nude or in her costume of preference. Don’t forget to smile and say please, thank you and you’re welcome.

Ask her if there is some element of being in charge that she likes or has an interest in. Then ask her if she would like to try that, with you. Offer to get any necessary supplies as she might not want to go to the adult novelty store. (That could change as she starts to enjoy herself and begins to feel like a Domme).

In each situation she has the options, she makes the decsions about the pacing, the methods or the lack thereof. The male sub speaks up if something is a problem: if he is allergic to something, if he has a phobia about wearing a gag, etc. Other than that he lets her Dom him. He quits trying to make her Dom him.

That boys, is how you get a woman to Dom you. Also, spend time making sure she knows you desire her. It makes a woman feel strong in the relationship if she knows you lust for her, find her sexy, etc. Don’t forget to send flowers, open doors, give her poetry or pretty cards and all those other traditional ways for a man to pay court (submit) to his lady.

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