The Predators of Online Dating

I’ve seen online dating as a social horror story for years. The people trying to find matches are just the surface. The dating business is even more predatory.

If you’ve been trying online dating, STOP! You’ve been set up to fail right from the start. (Free sites too – the longer you stick around the more ads they can sell).
From Thought Catalog:

After a few bad dates and misplaced emotional investment in the wrong guys, many of these women decide that all men are like this. So, when a genuinely nice guy comes along, she’s not interested, or else she decides that he’s “just like all the rest”. The nice guy then laments that women only date the jerks, and he sets out to become a jerk in order to garner a woman’s interest.

You can’t read the forums of dating sites and not find men and women posting about how discouraged they are by the people they try to meet on dating sites. Men who say anything just to get a screw. Women who don’t put out fast enough. Kind of a theme there – long before the dating sites but – the dating sites make money by encouraging it.

This is what you really need to know about online dating sites:

According to “Sally” (name has been changed), a senior consulting programmer who’s assisted in the creating of compatibility algorithms at a number of online dating sites, it costs the average dating site approximately $120 to generate a new customer. (In the subscription-based services world, this is called the Cost of User Acquisition, and includes the fees associated with advertising, promotion, sales bonuses, transaction fees, and more). But if the monthly fee is only $20 a month, the dating site needs to keep you using their services (read: unmatched) for at least six months just to break even. To show a profit, they need to keep you unmatched even longer. According to Sally, this is how it’s done:

“When a subscriber completes their online questionnaire and profile, the site’s technology matches them up with compatible potentials, and the subscriber is shown a selection of matched profiles. However, although the algorithm is capable of matching based on compatibility, only one of the profiles shown is actually a match based on their algorithm; the others are either random profiles of other users, or fake profiles entirely. If the subscriber doesn’t happen to click on the profile generated from the algorithm and instead selects one of the other randomly generated profiles, the algorithm shuts off for the next 4-5 months in an effort to recoup the cost spend of acquiring that subscriber. It’s been done like this for years, and is the way the business works.”

Are you really surprised? I suspected the dating sites were not all lovey dovey but this went beyond what I really believed they would do, deliberately. But, business makes money by preying on the consumer while pretending they care. Stop falling for it, stop getting your heart broken and thinking meeting someone is entirely hopeless. It isn’t. You’ve just been getting played by the dating sites and the people who use them (like parasites).

There are other ways to meet people, even online. Join social groups based on your personal interests, hobbies, location and career. Avoid sites which ask for paid membership (with exceptions for associations and societies which actually do host events for their members to meet and greet). Outside of the dating sites you are likely to find someone far more sincere about having a relationship.

If you’re a woman who just wants to get screwed – the dating sites are your playground! Bring your own condoms.

How Did you Pick Your User Name?

You might pick a few user names over the time you are on the Internet. Likely, you have a selection depending on where you are and who you are communicating with too.

The name you pick for yourself says a lot about you. Even if you didn’t intend it to have any real meaning beyond what seemed obvious to you at the time. Women may look at a name and read more into it than men expect. I often wonder if men really understand what their online names say about them.

I found a list of ick factor names men often use. It is a great list – I’ve felt the same way about user names like these. As a Domme looking to meet men online (I’ve kind of stopped looking now) any name like those below is a turn off. To me each of them show a one track mind, focused on his needs/ wants and not leaving any imagination or care for me. Almost no men online (on dating/ personal sites) will ask what I want until they have exhausted their own laundry list of what they will do for me. Silly boys, how can you know what I want if you are focused on what you want and ignore me.

Kind of like dealing with a telemarketer on the phone – you can put the phone down and just leave them talking to themselves until they finally hang up.

From an old post on Domme Chronicles:

If a submale has a user name that communicates an icky message, he is going to have to work *extra* hard to make me believe he’s actually an intelligent, thinking human being.

Examples of names with the ick factor:

  • Names that focus on your fetish: footslave; oralslut; hot4latex, cuckme.
  • Those that offer sexual use to the world: open4yrstrapon, slave4youtouse, toiletpaperboy4u, useme4sex, sexslave4u.
  • Anything with the number ‘4’ in it: see above.
  • Explicit sexual names: bigdick4u, tinycockboy, tongueyrclit, fuckmyarse, sixtyniner.
  • Names that make you look like a fantasist: lockmeup24-7, castrateme, extremesub, nolimitslarry.

My comment:

I will often pick out a clever user name as someone to chat with online. When I don’t really know anything else about the person, not even gender these days, I hope the name shows something about them – clever, creative and maybe interested in history or science fiction (if the name connects to something I also know and like). Mainly I like a clever name because it shows (he?) might have interests to talk about rather than drooling on about “serving me” before knowing what I even like or want.

I picked Darla Darling because my ex-husband called me DarLink when we talked online. So it became Darla Darling because I also liked that name from the old Little Rascals TV shows. Also, it worked well when I came up with the name for my site, thinking of the Gabor sisters. In a roundabout way it all worked out.

Defeat the Marketing of Sex

Could it be that women who lose their interest in sex are just as normal as men who also have less interest in sex?

Could it be that most people are sold sex, promoted by the media/ marketing in order to make a lot of money?

Is it all a case of preying on the consumer by making them think they all need to have a lot of sex, and really white teeth?

This leads me to question sex with penetration. I have read that most women do not have an orgasm from sexual penetration. I can add myself to that list. I am old fashioned enough to think sex is about making babies. The sex I see on TV shows, movies and the Internet is not romantic. Even with all the added drama of rushing it and things crashing to the floor… it looks boring to me. “It was just sex”… and yeah, it really was just sex. There wasn’t time or interest to have more to it. Crash, bang, thank you Ma’am.

What is sex like without penetration? Take away concerns about baby making, sexual diseases and… do you have anything left? I hope so! If not, what the heck are you doing?!

If people went back to enjoying sex instead of making it a ‘bodily function’ they would find romance, caring, maybe even… the love in love making. Stop making sex a performance – trying actually being intimate instead. Have sex with someone you want to see again and don’t rush into it.

Defeat the media and the marketers and take sex back. Make it personal, intimate and loving again. Chances are sex will be a lot more desirable that way, for men and women.

Quote below via – For Some Men, Erectile Dysfunction Is Totally Chill

Recent research by Emily Wentzell, an associate professor of anthropology at the University of Iowa, examines the way that erectile dysfunction’s (ED) designation as a medical problem is a consequence of culture and profit-motivated industries. “Ideas about what counts as good and manly sex are cultural, not natural or universal,” Wentzell explains in an interview with Broadly. “There is money to be made off promoting the idea that manly men should have life-long penetrative sex, by selling pharmaceuticals—hence the widespread marketing of ED drugs.”

There are many different justifications given for erectile dysfunction. Today, these range from deeming it a behavioral-based issue to a psychological problem to something purely biomedical. But there are older accounts. Ages ago, Wentzell explains, it was surmised that witchcraft could account for limp dicks. Modern interpretations on the so-called problem, Wentzell says, have been motivated by industries with financial interests.