Topping from the bottom

I was thinking that men who talk about wanting a Domme may actually not know what they really want is a Top. A Top is someone who enjoys fetishes with a bottom but there isn’t a formal relationship with the rules and respect and expectations of a FemDom. Instead they play, whatever fetish they choose and one is Top and the other is bottom.

When men say they want a Domme and then already have a set of expectations on what she should do, how she should do it and when, they seem to really want a Top. They have not added what she wants into the situation.

If they really did want a Domme they would have to make room for her wishes, wants and needs. They would have to accept that things are not going to go along in the way they expect them too. She might not want to spank them. She might not have any interest in humiliation or forced feminization or a lifestyle with D/s. So often men think a Domme is what they want her to be instead of who she is.

How much simpler it would be for them if they looked for a Top instead. They could make the plan for what each of them wants, what each of them has a limits of where they will not go and they can schedule each activity together. In that way both people are getting their needs met. Neither is trying to change the other or tell the other they aren’t behaving correctly, as per spec.

It is time for men who think they want to be submissives to a Domme to realize they don’t really want that at all. What they are doing is looking for something so they can change and bend it to what they want. They are Topping from the bottom.

Keep the Fun Hot

This comes from a post from a UK Sex Doctor blog:

Keep intimate
Even during times of stress, when you’re not having sex it’s important to stay intimate. Show your love and commitment through hugs, cuddles and getting close. Share the hard times – secrets can breed resentment. Support one another.

Keep it fun
Bring a sense of humour into the bedroom. Play games, explore your fantasies and role-play. Try bondage or sex play. Keep a spirit of adventure.