Category: Adult BackWash

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday February 15, 2003  

Do you do unto your man as he does unto you? It’s only fair. Isn’t it?

I don’t think so. But for a few reasons. Mainly, not everyone gets aroused by the same things. Maybe he likes sucking your toes but unless this interests you I wouldn’t suggest you return the favour. If the idea of sucking his toes is revolting that won’t make the experience good for either of you.

Also, he might not like his toes sucked. Do you like it when he sucks your toes? If not you should let him know. That is one thing women don’t do often enough. Let the poor sap know you don’t like something and let him know when you DO like something. You need communication in order to make the sex good and the relationship grow.

One concern I always had during sex was that I wasn’t doing enough. I read about women who just lie there. But, it’s fun just lying there, feeling and enjoying everything. It’s not good if he feels you aren’t involved in the process. Would you like making love to someone who didn’t do anything? It would be lonely and eventually you’d lose interest. Make some noise, pat him, rake your nails over his back, whatever it takes to keep him going. Does he like his nipples sucked or nibbled? Does he go wild when you grab his cock, even if that’s all you do with it? Kiss him, if that’s kind of bland kiss him in some unique place where you’ve never kissed him before.

But, don’t let him get you into a lock. If he is behind you, you’re locked into a position where there is very little you can do. Our arms just don’t function well that way. Also, they tend to get in his way. Suddenly it’s like an octopus has just invaded your bed. (Or wherever it is you’re making love). Try to shift around, or just tell him you want to be able to touch him too. What guy wouldn’t like to know that!

One reason BDSM is really good for the women is that it gives you the right to not do anything. If you’re tied up you can’t do much, just wait for what will come. You have less pressure to perform if you can’t do more than whimper and moan. If you’re the one doing the tying then you get to set the pace. You are the one who chooses how things go and where they go. When you get tired of ordering him around, order him to please you. Sit back and let him get to work. Be spontaneous or give him a list of what you want before you start.

However, back to the do unto plan, you should not be so close minded that you can’t try new things. Give his fetish a chance too. Try sucking his (freshly showered and scrubbed) toes once before you decide it’s gross. We can be fair, to a point.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Sunday July 20, 2003  

Is unwillingness a turn on for you? Would you admit it? Willing has become like a buzz word in the sex industry/ BDSM community. Just like the ‘two consenting adults’ thing. But, all those proper willing ideas don’t change the fact that unwillingness is still a big turn on. Not just for men either.

Women have rape fantasies and versions of rape fantasies based on being unwilling or unknowing. Women also think of using men. Tormenting them really. I cook up some pretty good ideas along those lines myself. In one case cooking actually is involved.

But, I digress… I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my little fantasy…

I’m not sure which I prefer, the one where I’m actually cooking a man or where he just keeps on cooking, doing laundry, windows and so on. In both cases he is not real happy about it. Never fear, I don’t actually cook him all the way in the first case. I just like to see him sweat awhile. It’s good for his pores, right?  But, I can imagine how his voice would turn just a bit squeaky as I begin adding the carrots, potatoes and onions to the big stew pot he is tied up in. “Getting a bit hot in there, dear?” Just imagine how he would feel as he began to wonder if I was just playing after all?

Being a bit evil is kind of fun. But, it’s just a little fantasy. Not even one I pull out often. I’m not a chef after all.

There are so many other fantasies that involve a man who isn’t exactly willing or who at least, pretends not to be exactly willing. I’d like to have a man I wanted (over some goofball who begs, demands, or expects it) at my mercy. I really do like the fun of tormenting him. Of course, he will expect so little from such a nice wallflower like me. Won’t he be surprised?

Anyway, I was thinking of the whole willing thing today. Having a willing partner is being good, obeying the rules and all that stuff. That’s why it’s important to find a man who can play an unwilling victim, convincingly. I want to believe he really is just a bit scared. I want to enjoy his surprise, uncertainty and struggles as if he really were unwilling.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Sunday April 13, 2003  

Fear is sexy. It makes people vulnerable and you have to be vulnerable to have sex that means anything to you. Sure you can bump uglies in the night but when you wake up will you feel good, feel that you’ve done more than scratch an itch. Each of us is vulnerable when we take our clothes off. Even the women we look at as perfect think they have plenty of flaws. Give them a minute and they can write you out a list. So, sex makes you vulnerable, you have to trust the one you’re with not to point and stare or laugh. You see how it all comes back to fear?

Fear is an adrenaline rush. It gets your heart pumping, your skin sweats and you breathe faster. It’s like you’ve started having sex before you take off your shoes. No wonder so many people go to horror movies and read all those books. What they really want, is sex. That blood pounding, slick with sweat feeling you get when you let go, take that leap of faith into the bedroom (or wherever you end up naked, hot and bothered).

Part of BDSM is bringing that fear into sex. If you’ve ever wondered why someone would like being tied up wonder no more. I’m telling you what the attraction is right now. It’s fear and sex. Even if the bondage is all agreed to there is still that element of danger, that reason to fear. You’ve given up control now you’re going to get it.

Now, think about being the one who gives the fear. Think about being the woman behind the man, the woman who ties him down, takes the control and teases him, letting him feel uncertain. He doesn’t know what you might do, what might happen by accident on purpose. He is at your mercy. Sure he can whine about it later. But, right then he is the one who lives in fear. Of you! What a rush that is. Will you be nice or naughty? Will you tease him or go right for the big finish?

Fear is certainly a part of it. Along with all the thrills and chills of a good roller coaster ride. Grab his gears and strip ‘em!