Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Friday August 20, 2004
What does a Domme want in a sub? Seems that comes up often in the discussion boards. People offer the standard kind of answers like good communication. If you don’t know the drill go check it out for yourself on any of several BDSM sites, like CollarMe.com.
But, I have my own ideas about what I’d like a male sub to be and do.
He should know how to read and write English well. He should at least use spell check as all those typos and outright spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes really irk me. Not that I’m perfect but I do make the effort. When I see male subs who send email full of mistakes I really don’t feel encouraged to bother replying. If they aren’t interested in really sending me an email why should I take the time to reply. Some of them are so bad when you step back and look it’s email barf. All those letters out of place, scrambled like so much alphabetical vomit. You get the idea.
He should understand the difference between a real Domme and a professional Domme. Even the pros are real sometimes. But, unlike the professional Dommes you aren’t paying us. Thus we are not here to please you, in your way, on your time, etc. So many don’t seem to clue in to this basic piece of information. How can I make it any clearer? I’m not McDomme!
To go along with the McDomme thing he should not expect every woman into being a Domme to be some sort of nasty bitch. Nice grrls like to Dom too. Maybe we aren’t as nasty, hard core or brutal as you think you’d like. But, don’t expect us to be sweet and syrupy Dommes either. Each is different, with their own fetishes, character quirks and unique ideas to test out on your man body. In fact, I think a nice grrl Domme could be far more devious than someone who’s used to be bossy. We’ve had time to think about it, plan out twisted plots and perfect our wicked ideas.
We do not want a yes man. If you want to be dominated too much it’s just not that interesting or challenging. In short, needy subs are too easy and boring. Yes, we know you want to be dommed, just don’t make us gag over how easy/ needy you are. Be a man, be a bit butch, a bit strong and silent, a bit tough guy. It’s much more fun to find new challenges than to maintain the same routine.
For me personally, I have a strong distaste for forced feminization. I am female and I like being female. To force some guy to be something this good is making being female seem something less than desirable. So to ask me to force feminize is to insult my wonderful gender, my women ancestors and all the women to come. How would you feel if forced masculinity were up there on the block? Would it bother you that being a man was so terrible that people had to be forced into it? Also, I admit, I dislike men who aren’t men. If I was into women romantically I might feel differently, but I’m not.
We want a guy who has enough brain cells above the belt to have some interests and hobbies and a career and whatever else that don’t revolve around BDSM and sex in general. Men who only want to talk about one subject soon lose my interest. There is more to life. Or there should be. Consider everything passing you by while you’re sitting there twiddling yourself. Plus, guys who talk too much about sex are just kind of gross. I picture them as kind of icky and unwashed. Blech!
I expect that will give a few people some ideas. Or not. Anyway, I’m done with the advice of the week. Get out there and find someone to share all your wonderful, wicked, wayward ideas with. Good luck!