Originally posted to Adult BackWash, my weekly column was Bait and Switch: Wednesday July 24, 2002
Being a Domme should be about doing what turns you on, not about satisfying all of his whims, fetishes and turn ons. You are the one in charge after all. Otherwise, what do you really get out of it? Sure, its nice to please your mate, but that’s not the name of this game. You please him by pleasing you. So, wipe your slate clean and start fresh, with a new mind set.
First, consider tossing out are those fetish wear clothes and heels. Unless you really do find pleasure in wearing them, why torture yourself? Think of something practical, like boots you can stomp around in. In your mind play “These boots were made for walking” and get yourself walking in a new pair of sexy, woman in charge boots. Spike heels optional. When you think of clothes why wear something expensive in leather. Check out some denim, its washable and easy to wear. As we all know, cotton breathes. If you can sew put together an outfit, maybe a dramatic cape too.
Once you’re dressed for success put yourself in the picture. Think of things YOU would really like to do to or with him. If having him kiss your feet turns you off, his feet fetish is on the back burner. Instead, have him brush your hair, wash it too. Or he can be of some use polishing your nails, running your bath water, making dinner and cleaning everything up afterwards. Be creative but don’t cater to his desires unless you want the same things. Do you hate cleaning the bathroom, would you like a servant to scrub your back in the shower, would you like a bouquet of fresh flowers sent to your work or would you just like to see him naked and waiting for you to make use of him, hoping that you will notice him sometime before the evening news.
You might not even want to play this game at all. It could be all his nagging, pestering or demands have put you right off the whole thing and its become a job you have to do. Take some time off from it, regroup and see if there is some aspect of this you could enjoy. Experiment on him. Tie him to a chair for the morning and just leave him there. Blindfold him, gag him, play with him or ignore him – he is totally in your hands. This is one time when the pace of the foreplay (or sex) is all up to you.
Find new things for him to do, household chores, pampering you, or spending a day at your mercy. The most important thing is to remember you are the one he should be pleasing, not the other way around.